May. 2, 2013

Don't Use the Children

Why, why, why would mothers (or fathers) use the children to get back at an ex??

It's selfish and it's wrong!

The ones that suffer in the end are the children.  Children deserve the love of BOTH parents.  Also, save the bash talking about the ex.  There is no need for that.  Children love both parents, they don't need to hear negative talk about their mother (or father). 

You might not think that it affects the child, but it does.  Every child is different in terms of physical, cognitive,  social-emotional well being and development.  It is very important that we support them in healthy development and life success.  Anything to the contrary will seriously compromise that healthy development. 

Children need positive role models that foster nurturing, loving, supportive and safe environments. 

Keep adult conversations, adult conversations.  No need to share with the children what you and your ex are fighting over.  These are adults topics, the children will only be confused and concerned.  Children worry about their parents and often this concern carries over to their academics and behavior.  And their academics could suffer greatly.

When I divorced the father of my chilld, I allowed him to see my son when ever he wanted.  The problems (divorce) were his and mine...not my child.  Why should the child have to pay for that?  He doesn't!  In fact, I not only allowed the father access to my son whenever he wanted, but I never spoke negatively about his father.  I even told him, his dad was the best dad in the world!  

In the end, your child will be a happier child....and so will you!  Trust me on this one.

1.  Never never never speak negatively about an ex to your children. 

2.  Allow your children to see their mother (or father) often as possible.

3.  Never ever ever share adult topics with children.  (they don't need to know)